Regardless... Adding the word "But" or even a preface/but combo like "Don't take this the wrong way BUT" or "No offense BUT" can basically clear you. It's to make you look honest. More caring. Concerned. A friend.
Fuck that noise.
I think we all know we're in a passive aggressive world and the winners are those who still appear to be decent human beings while torturing the self esteem of co workers, friends, and loved ones.
Don't get me wrong! It's hysterical! The winner, of course is Kristen Wiig. She's created the perfect example of what I'm talking about.
Lately, more than ever I've heard "No offense... But you're not a typical.. normal girl"
The best part is.. I take that as a compliment. A fantastic compliment. In fact, I'm flattered to hear that. Why? I'll tell ya why.
Because girls are fucking crazy bitches. I don't want any part of that!!
Don't get me wrong. I've been there. Ask my ex's. I've been all of those awful, obnoxious, things. I've been clingy. I've been distrusting. I've had stalker like qualities. I've gotten overly attached. I've cried. I've written cryptic status updates. I've done all of that.
After my last break up a year and a half ago... That's when I put my foot down and thought to myself "Let's figure this shit out." I felt like Taylor Fucking Swift with all the fucking boyfriends in and out of my life since I was 15. Fucking 15!!!! Non stop. It's exhausting.
In this "figure out my shit" time.. I took so many steps back to be more observant. First, I got my own place. And it started out quite poorly. I was lonely. Really lonely. So I filled the void with bars, alcohol, and strange men from Match.com. When I got that out of my system I realized I hadn't changed a thing. I hadn't learned. I hadn't grown. And I knew there was MUCH to learn and experience beyond the pages of the Kama Sutra.
But HOW?!
It's all about the mindset. I can't stress the importance of self acceptance. The things our minds are able to do for our bodies and well being are incredible.
For example.
Have you ever looked down at your hand to see that it's bleeding? You don't know how, or when.. You didn't even FEEL your skin tear. You knew nothing of injury until you saw the blood. Only then, did it hurt. Our bodies are equipped to handle pain. It's our minds that can't handle the thought of it and then freak the fuck out.
Even if you're only imagining something. The power of belief is another incredible thing. There is a game I used to play with my friends at sleepovers called "Cat Scratch". I don't remember the specifics.. I feel like one girl would sit with her arms crossed over her chest and another girl would rub her back gently (This isn't what you think, you pervs..) and tell a story about an attacking cat. The story can be set up anyway you want. But it has to end up with the cat attacking your back, scratching, biting, and latching on. It's actually kind of terrifying. The point is.. when this part happens and you go into the detail of the attack... You lift up the back of the girls shirt and there will be red scratches all over her back. It actually worked a few times.
The point I'm getting at is.. despite how cheesy those signs are in waiting rooms... it's all about mindset. If you believe! You can achieve! So cheesy. I hate that it's actually an accurate encouraging phrase.
When I realized guys were being textbook...(Not calling, blowing me off, falling off the face of the Earth, dying off..) I realized I had been as well. Which is why they were acting that way.
Guys miss out on this. Ladies... When you go to a popular bar on a Saturday night... Do you listen to the conversation in the bathroom?
Hear me out. I'm from Syracuse and.. Syracuse girls have this obnoxious fucked up language. I hate that I have some of it. You're basically a shocked valley girl. Everything is a huge life altering big deal. Major infliction. Brilliant statements and analysis which come out like questions... It's this attempted Laguna Beach thing. This is the main reason I don't ever go downtown past 8:00.
Girls flock to the bathroom in heards to make sure their fake tits are in place, and their spanx aren't showing, and their skin is perfectly tangerine.
"Oh.. My.. God... Like.. Did you see the way he was acteen? Like.. he literally was this really great guy and then all of the sudden he was like somebody totally different."
"Right? Like he literally changed."
"Literally"
"Right?!"
"Ok I'm glad you noticed because I def noticed that shit and that shit is fucked uhp and shit. Like literally? You don't need that shet"
"Right? I know. Like, he was all angry that my ex was here and like , literally, he just showed up. Like I texted him and told him we were going to be here and then like he literally was here and tagged us on facebook and I'm like "Really?""
"Oh my god I thought was that Derrik! Such an asshole! I can't beleive he did that shet. Like.. Seriously?... He didn't tag me"
"I know...... He got hot though. "
"Wicked fucking hot."
"Literally"
"Totes."
"Facebook."
Thank God you're already in a bathroom because I literally throw up when I hear this nonsense. The thing that really gets me is.. These girls are usually incredibly smart and going to SU for some crazy law degree or something. They come from wealth. They come from business. And yet... Fail. Keep it classy SU....
So basically I strive to never be that.
It's so easy to fall into typical girl mindset. To look for things to either be overly happy about, or overly pissed about. Just.. fucking stop trying so hard! We're past the point where neutral is an option and I'm trying like hell to being it back. Social media is an easy thing to fall into. I've done it. We've all done it. Sometimes that vague status message really gets your point across.
When I'm feeling something negative... Either I'm upset, or sad or angry or hurt... I step back and ask myself why I'm feeling that way. Am I feeling that way because I'm supposed to? Or.. Am I feeling that way because I'm actually FEELING it? Regardless.. I try to get myself to a reasonable point. Sometimes it's a little awkward because it's a decent thought process so it's similar to that or a robot rebooting or a computer with the little hourglass spinning and flipping around as I analyze my emotions.
I've found that most times? It's unneeded stress, or sadness. I realize "Hey.. this isn't a big deal." And usually I'm on to the next thing. No more dwelling.
Our lives are insane. With more ways to organize.. we've never been less organized. Plans change. Things come up. And that's ok.
It goes along with the golden rule. (Speaking of The Kama Sutra..)
If I were having a problem and had to change plans or, even if I wasn't feeling up to something all of a sudden... We know ourselves. Sometimes we just need alone time. Or a nap. Or.. something better comes along. It sounds terrible, but I feel like majority of people have been there.If we were more honest and open about it.. I think that would make things easier for everyone. It's like a get out of jail free card.
"I know we were going to hang tonight but, my ex is in town for the night... so....."
"I know we were going to hang tonight but my boss really pissed me off today.... so...."
"I know we were going to hang tonight but I'm fucking tired. So fuck you."
"I know we were going to hang tonight but... Your post on facebook upset me and I don't like you anymore"
"I know we were going to hang tonight but something suddenly came up"
Who cares? Find something else to do.
Think of it this way...
If YOU don't want to hang out with you..... Who else will?
Figure yourself out. Be ok with you.
And own that shit.
I like that you called the ex "Derrik" which is totes an asshole name. Like, literally.
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