I decided several weeks ago, that I was going to spend my Christmas at home. In years past I've gone wherever my family was and just blew around in the breeze. Yes. I can fade into the wall quite nicely. I know you're shocked. This year I decided the best way to accept and embrace my life, and to really solidify the fact that I'm ok with where I am, is to live by it. So I stayed up late on Christmas Eve. I went to Midnight mass at the church I grew up going to. I came home and spent the rest of the evening playing with my cat. We watched "Shaun of the Dead" until the wee hours.. I actually fucking drank hot coco. With little fucking marshmallows and mini Hershey kisses.
I know I talk about my cat a lot. But she actually makes me laugh. A lot. Sometimes she just starts bolting around the apartment and will slide her ass into the wall or something.. It's legit funny shit. So hop off.
I slept in, wrapped presents, more perfect coco, my apartment was filled with sweet smells of pulled pork because I'm fucking cool and decided to make it. Later on I went to my parents house, did gifts with them, my sister, brother in law, and niece... stayed up laughing and then came home to bed. Best fucking Christmas ever.
Thank you for asking.
So of course, I'm addicted to facebook. I have 937 friends. Some of them are really fucking funny. Sometimes they don't mean to be and I wicked throw judgies their way. But for the most part, facebook is live banter and it makes me laugh. Though around Christmas... I start seeing engagement rings. I'm in my late 20's. I see more and more every year.
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| Congrats to Liz and Jim! |
To me, it's the same as seeing pictures of pet bunnies on Easter, or turkey dinners on Thanksgiving, or burning crosses on Election Day.. These are just things of which we've come to be aware.
Here's my thing with engagements, weddings, and marriages. I think I've finally figured it out.
In my day to day life, I come across stories of "So this married broad I was bangin.." or "My boyfriends wife got him the same watch *I* was going to buy him! Who knew we had the same taste in accessories?!"
It's no secret. Infidelity is quite present in this world. It's nothing new. We just find out more often. But why?
Is the purpose and goal of dating to get married? Then what?
Dating>Shack up>Ultimatum>Engagement>Marriage>Kids>House>Dog>Mistress/Pool Boy.
That's a whole lot of lead up... with nothing after it.
In this way I feel torn between my traditional raising, and my modern bohemian lifestyle.
I'm a girl. I was a Bride for Halloween when I was 6. I've played house since I was 4. I've dated since I was 15. I've lived with 3 boys. Almost engaged twice. Almost eloped once (don't ask). I've been there. Of course I have a dream wedding in mind (it's fucking awesome, by the way)... but why is it the purpose in life? Why are you considered a failure if you're single? Why is it bad to BE with someone... but not plan on marriage? Or to not dwell and focus on it as a goal?
I have a theory. On several things.
Of course I want a wedding. I want to parade around in a beautiful dress, have my hair done, make up, nails, shoes... I want to have my sisters and closest girlfriends in coordinating dresses holding beautiful flowers. I want my man of mans to be there in a tux/kilt combo along with his "boys" staring at me. I want the music, the dancing, the celebration, the toasts, the pictures, the chicken dance, and hell. I'm not a jew but hoist me up on a chair anyway! I want people to know I'm in love, and loved in return and it's fucking special. I want to go on a vacation with my honey, and get upgraded to first class. I want to get deported like all the happy newlywed couples!
It's so fucking exciting! So much leads up to it! But I often wonder if people forget the most important part of all that. That you're in fucking love. I feel like.. with all the shows, and books, and magazines, celebrities, and expectations and the tradition and the feeling of not getting there....That love get's lost. I feel like people go on the hunt for a wedding, and forget that a marriage comes with that. Then when you open all of the gifts, exchange the weird ones, fill the picture frames, put the dress away, bring the tux back, and look around... What now?
"Shit. We got married at that wedding!"
Real grown up stuff.
I have no problem with marriage. I don't At all. I know plenty of happily married couples. I just also happen to know a lot who aren't.
I merely feel as though it should be looked into deeper than your next cell phone data plan.
It's like dating. Be with someone because you want to be. Spend time with them because you want to. Call them because you miss them. Take all that stuff you're "supposed" to do and throw that shit away. Be you. Let them be them. Be open minded and have an open heart. When you let that barrier fall and you stop going through the motions.. That's when you should decide to be with each other.....
....Or if he brushes the snow off your car. Done deal.
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