Mulligans and shennanigans.

Growing up in this society is that a bit different than... well.. any other time, really. I suppose every era goes through a change. I touched a bit on that in my last episode. Many women are either fascinated or disgusted by old movies... you know the ones....



"Here Betty Sue! Let me get that pesky door for you!"

The guy nervously approaches and asks you out on a date... picks you up "At 7!", opens and closes doors... pays for dinner, movie, mini golf, ice cream, flowers whatever! Drops you off, gets a kiss at the door step and calls the next day....





.........................






Am I the only one who wonders if those dates ever really happened? Was there really a time when boys came and "met your folks" and received dad's approval before escorting you out for a night on the town? This will soon be a lost art. Some myth, little girls will wonder about.


".. Prince charming works at da club??"

Think about it. How did your parents meet? Mine were set up on a blind date. My mother couldn't stand my father then either, but he made her smile. They took day trips to Niagara falls, and were on a bowling league. They were married in May of 1969 and lived in a little apartment where my oldest sister was born. In the mid 70's they bought a house. They still live there. I'm sitting in it. Right now. Stealing their Internet.

What are the stories going to be like in 25 years? How creative are we going to be? Are we going to make something up? Exaggerate? Bend the truth?? Add a little touch of Hollywood plot??




I've done some research these last few months while I've been single. I've learned quite a bit just by paying more attention to things. Here's what I've come up with so far:

2012 dates seem to consist of meeting up sometime when you're not working, or hanging with the guys, or the bitches. No one picks anyone up. You meet. At a bar. At 10:30 on a Wednesday night.


You're lucky if:

1. Both parties arrive on time
2. Neither party has found someone more interesting or, as we say "attractive"
3. Cell phones are put away/off/on vibrate
4. Both parties are showered/groomed/brushed teeth

"Hang on.. gotta check in..."

If the date goes well (miracle) you then make the painful decision of sex on the first date or not. Either way... you never see them again as the date did NOT go as well as you had planned.



"I'm so friggen stupid....Where's my underwear?"

Why?




I'll tell you why.



It's a game. It's all a big fucking mind game. It's impossible to win if you have any feelings involved at all. Why? Again. I will tell you. The rules change. They're different for everyone. And they change. At any time. For any reason. The winner... is whoever doesn't care. Whoever has no feelings invested. Whoever has a back up. They win.



"Nah! I think we've made quite a connection..."

There is hope, however. You mustn't lose yourself. As ridiculous as it sounds, you also can't take it personally. It's not our faults we've evolved into such animalistic creatures who desire power, sex, and warm fuzzy feelings. We don't understand. We've lost a bit of ourselves here.... But really it's always been a game. The only difference is, back in the day the rules were plastered in your face during after school specials. Now it's all up in the air. We're at a very independent age. A fast evolving age. A get it in seconds age. There's no thinking anymore, there's no time for your conscience to kick in and say "Hey.. that wasn't cool of me", anymore!


The world needs to stop. Put the phones down. Park the car. Shut off the fucking TV. Take a step outside, and take a giant breath in and hold it. Then let it out slowly. Just Calm.The.Fuck.Down. or as I will now call it "C the FD!"


"... How long are we supposed to do this?"

That or an ice cold Coca Cola.....




I am SO not ready to be in a relationship. I need way too much therapy first. But I've learned I need some standards for myself. I'm actually a pretty awesome girlfriend until there's no space, or crazy demands, or... whatever kinda bullshit that gets in the way... Anyways... So far my standards are as follows:

1. Must. Have. Job.
2. Cannot live in mom's basement/attic/garage
3. Must brush teeth daily
4. Must laugh
5. No bitchin' sword collection/medieval weaponry unless part of Rule #1

Again... sometimes the rules change. There's obviously some room for explanation here... I get it... we all need a break. We all have our stories. I get it.




Moving on.


Before I get all sorts of hate mail I'll let you know that there ARE decent guys out there. There really are. There are guys out there who are willing to pick you up, and to pay, and to open doors. And guys? There are some decent ladies left in the world who don't care about your car, or how much money you make and who will want to split the cost of dinner. If she insists let the woman pay the tip or something.




My Advice:
As cliche' as this sounds... I've actually taken it to heart. You really need to be OK with yourself before you get out there. It's scary! You also need to know what you're ready for. It's nice to just go out and get to know someone new. Pay for your own stuff.. or.. one pay for one activity, then the other for the next. There's a light there somewhere, it's just a matter of compatability. And timing. In a time when it truely feels as if the odds are against us....


There's hope for all of us..

It starts...

There I was. Sitting on a beautiful beach in a red bikini. I felt the grainy sand and cool water rush back and forth over my tanned feet and legs. The sun was setting and I could see for miles. My wet hair drips tiny droplets into the surrounding body of water. Sea gulls pass, fish jump, and my sunsoaked face seems to smile. No stress, no anxiety, no back pain, no headaches... just sun, sand, and the smell of lotion....

Suddenly I realize it's time to leave this place... Not that I expected to stay on that beach my entire life, but I was of course, hoping to stay until after 5:00... I had no choice in the matter... because my mom yells to me:

"Megan Mary! Get that sand out of your bathing suit and pack up your beach toys! It's time to go home!"

Ahh.. such is life as a 6 year old...

People often look back on their childhood as care free and simple. I look back and think of how confused I was. Not to say my childhood was hard, by any means.. but I often had no idea what was going on. I lived my life day to day without care, or worry... The way a child should. But as every child also does, I took it all for granted. I longed to spend time with my sisters and their friends. I come from a family of 3 girls. My sisters are 10 and 13 years older than I. I'm what you call... not a mistake but.. "A Surprise!" or my favorite.. "A Gift From God!". I took the simple things for granted. I was so curious about what it was like to be an adult... I had such a longing but at the same time.. I had a huge fear of it. Even then I was torn and didn't know what I wanted.. To stay young? To grow old? Maybe get stuck in the middle somewhere? Who knows... Certainly not this girl.


Today I'm 27. Not like it's my Birthday but.. I mean.. I was 27 yesterday too... and will be for another 6 months..

I'm 27. And single. And clueless.

I've done my share of dating. So It isn't really fair to call myself COMPLETLY clueless... But I'm promising myself to remain single until I really figure all of this out. So I guess I'll be moving soon to buy a house to make room for all of my stray cats...??



No. Again that's not fair. I really haven't lost hope on that perfect relationship but.. with so many failed marriages and divorces and heartache.. I feel the responsible thing to do is to get smart about dating! No more settling. No more excuses. No more faking!


This time around I'm really noticing the lack of effort put into dating. One night stands are as common as a handshake. No one is expected to call anyone.. Basically one party will enjoy the other party more than said party. He who care less has the power. It's sad how true this really is...

I'm fascinated with dating up until the 50's. The damn hippies and womens rights movements killed courting. From then on it was all equal this, and equal that.. burning bras and joining unions and marches. I support what they went through and eventually acheived.. i think it was brave, and bold, and charismatic. It was liberty! And JUSTICE! However... that brought on a whole turning point for the way men looked at women. It was all different from that moment on. There was a new painting to look at... Now women have a voice. An opinion. Hell.. We can blog whatever the fuck we want! We are now a stranger creature... with feelings and emotions and no one knows how to put it into an after school special anymore! Women are different! WHAT DO WE DO!?!?!!!??! Do we open doors for them? Do we compliment their sweaters?? Do you pat them on the ass after doing a good job?!?! No one knows. And men grew scared. Or maybe the fact that they had to start cooking dinner came to play so they lost track of time and no longer notice hair cuts!

Maybe they got angry because now they have to share jobs with women.

Who knows? Who knows why it changed? But it did. And it's never been the same...

Opening doors, formal dates, flowers, and kisses on doorsteps are few and far between. Now you're almost expected to give your all after your first round of drinks at the bar at 11:30 on a Wednesday night... If you do? You never hear from them again... If you don't? You never hear from them again...

Would that be considered a win win? a lose lose? or a win lose lose win??

More on this... at 11.