"It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.."
Fuck you! Clearly you've never come home to find that some other bitch has used your lotion and body spray after scrumping your guy on your $20 Target t shirt sheets!
"There are plenty of fish in the sea"
Oh really, asshole?! How is that supposed to make me feel better? Gadzillions of little tiny fucking fish in this mass of water which takes up majority of our planet? And I'm supposed to find the right one?! Well I guess I WAS inspired by Finding Fucking Nemo... When I get drunk at bars I do tend to walk around grabbing strange men who smell good and say "Mine.. Mine... Mine....minemineminemineMIIIIINE!"
People do the same thing at funerals. As if losing someone wasn't torture enough... No. You then have to stand in line with your family and listen to dozens of people over and over say stupid things like:
"How ya holdin up?"
......really? These people obviously must forget what happens when someone dies. You have about an hour to grieve, then you have to go to the funeral home, the florist, the newspaper, then you're buried (no pun intended) in your mother's living room fishing through pictures, and do dads to put around the parlor, then you gotta find a wardrobe for yourself, and the deceased, figure out where the party is after the funeral (I'm Irish... It's just what we do..) and get word out. Figure out where all the out of towners are going to sleep... what kind of cereal they fucking like... so on and so on. So to answer your question, woman who knew grampa back in '72, Shitty. I am doing quite shittilly.
"Let me know if there's anything I can do"
I know this one means well.... But it needs to be more specific. Let me help you....
"When time will someone be at the house so I can drop over some lasagna?" or "I'm taking my kids to the movies tonight.Can I pick up your little Sally at 5:30?" Otherwise? This person will debate asking you to raise the dead, or go back in time... But they don't. Because they THINK before they say something stupid.
And I'm going to quote my grandmother on this one:
"I hate funerals with open caskets. People always say how good ya look. Well ya don't look good.. you're dead!"
And that's simply that.
What I'm getting at is... people are going to involve themselves in your personal life. It's easier now to do than ever before. There are so many windows into your life... we have a major lack of privacy. And don't get me wrong, I have a facebook. I put my shit out there. And I forget. I forget that all of these people know these little bits and pieces of my life. It always throws me off when someone I barely recognize and question knowing finds me in a store and asks how my cats hairball problem is. Big stuff.
My point is... people are people. We've all done it. We've all said mindless, careless things to other people without thinking. As humans.. we also have to deal with this shit when it happens to us. Understand what they're trying to say. Despite the fact that they may be failing miserably! There may be a point in there somewhere... Just try to find it. And embrace it. I mean.. do what I do and smile... say "Thank you.. that's so kind of you to say"..
Then think the real shit in my head...
"It's not the end of the world"
Well no shit! Are you saying I can't get pissed off unless the world is crumbling?! Of course I know it's not the end of the fucking world... moron..
"Maybe it's for the best"
....That I'm sitting alone with my mascara running down my face and into my mouth tarnishing the taste of Ben and Jerry (the ice cream, ya perv) in my mouth? Yeah, Maybe this is better than enjoying a meal cooked together and then sharing a bottle of wine over candlelight.. nah.. Phish food is WAY better. (Actually.. with my cooking? This sarcastic statement may be accurate...)
Having bad shit happen to us gives us the opportunity... rather the excuse to be "bad". To have the care free "I don't give a fuck" stand point for a few days. Don't feel bad about it... Fucking own that shit. You need to get yourself back to who you were. You need to fucking cry like a baby, you need to sing Alanis Morisette at the top of your lungs. You NEED to delete all the pictures of your ex's anatomy from your cell phone... except maybe one.
We *are* human...
Then you need to take a shower. A long shower. Use too much shampoo. Too much soap. Too much conditioner. Shave EVERYthing. Then cover yourself in froo froo and sparkles.. do you hair so it looks natural, and stunning. Put on make up. Don't go lookin like a whore, or anything... just give yourself a new glow. Look natural. Put on a sun dress and fucking go outside. Wear a huge smile because you OWN this shit. YOU OWN THIS SHIT. And get on with your life.
And listen to Mika. Mika always helps.
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