Wanna play doctor?

So I'm going to repeat myself a bit here. I'm not a professional blogger. I don't get paid. I have 4 subscribers... fuck you. I can touch on past topics if I want. Or forget. Or.. whatever fucking reason. Get off my back.

I just got home from wishing a best friend a final farewell before she moves 12 hours away. Though I've known her for many years, this past year has been exceptional. She has helped me grow and learn in so many ways. She's such a strong, bright, talented (like.. disgustingly talented) confident woman. She has helped me realize that.. despite my many quirks, and mannerisms, i'm a good person. I'm funny. I'm smart. I'm different. I'm beautiful the way I am. And most importantly.. I'm ok.

"Ok.. drunk face in 3... 2...peeerfect"

I will go on to say that my ex boyfriend DESPISED this woman. If you hooked him up to a brain wave reading machine... the mere mention of her name would match that of a pedophile watching a Tampax commercial. He lost his shit once when the two of us had plans to meet for lunch and bra shopping. I'm not exaggerating. I'm not lying. This. Actually. Fucking. Happened.

The thing is... she had the reputation of being a bitch. When in reality, it's the exact opposite. If you're being a total asshat... she'll tell you. If you hurt her feelings... she'll tell you. If you have invalid points about musical theatre... she'll tell you and then correct you.



What I'm getting at is... she isn't fake. She doesn't get all wishy washy.. she doesn't bite her tongue like a good girl ought to. She'll tell you how it is, and look fabulous while doing so. She's confident. Not a bitch. The thing with bitches is... they won't ever take advice. They never admit they're wrong. She will. If she doesn't understand something, she will learn. She'll follow up. She'll ask.

When I started hanging out with her more.. I saw that in her. I saw that it made sense to ask these things. To not stand there quietly when someone is wrong or being an asshat. It's ok to speak up. To be heard.

It took me this long to understand why he didn't like her.



She mentioned being in year 3 of her 5 year plan. When she said this.. I realized... I've never had a plan. I didn't in high school... I didn't in "college"... I don't now. I thought about it on the way home and I can't come close to having one.





Every generation and every society has a cookie cutter life style. There's the American Dream! The Husband! The Wife! The Kids! The dog! The white picket fence! The 2 car garage! Home office with framed diplomas on the wall! Pool in the back yard next to the BBQ! And a comfortable lifestyle with weekends off and clear blue skies!

Only... for millions of us... it's nothing like that.

I'm 28 (on Saturday, by the way... Happy Birthday to me!) A community college dropout, I'm in retail management, single, and I live alone with my cat in the city. I almost always have dishes waiting in the sink, clothes piled on the floor, a fridge full of beer, and a cupboard full of Mac and Cheese (Kraft), Spaghetti O's and a box of stale Special K. I have a variety of friends and acquaintances, I spend too much time on facebook, I curse like a sailor, cry like a girl, and I'm ok with that.

I have no idea what I want or where I want to be. It's incredibly difficult to figure out your future, while not destroying your present. Do I want to get married? Do I want kids?


I actually enjoy being in a relationship. I love getting excited to see a text from him.. or to see his car pull up... I HATE when I can't go a sentence without mentioning him (my sister catches me doing this ALL the time..) I love having someone to "report" to everyday about work, or to pass on a joke or.. hell.. to have a fucking date to something.

But!

In my single life I notice I have quite an array of taste. An extreme variety. My dating history confirms this. I've dated: Older, younger, fat, skinny, tall, short, alcoholics, sobers, sexy, fugly, smart, moronic, successful, pathetic, over the top Romeo, total Judas, rockstar, teacher, librarian, atheist, priest, pothead, straight edge, vegan, hunter....

Literally... I just can't figure out "my type"


Which of course has made me wonder if I can be with one person for the rest of my life? I know the divorce rate is high... I won't go there today. My point is.. if I know I can't.. I'm not going to. I will continue to date, and introduce my nieces and nephews to a new uncle every few months or years or what have yous.


I know what all you happily married people are going to say:

"When you meet him... you'll know"


My eldest sister says this. She's a lucky one. She did well in High School, went off to college, met her would be husband, broke he and his at the time girlfriend up, they dated, got engaged, finished college, got married, and they moved to a little apartment in Brooklyn where he finished Med School. They now live with their 3 amazing kids, in a custom built house in a small town on the southern tier. I don't know if she had a plan but it certainly worked out! They've been married for 17 years.

Another couple I know also had a plan. Started dating sophomore year. We're now 10 years out of high school. They're married, and just had a sweet baby girl.



I suppose what America needs to do a better job of.. is accepting people as I accept my apartment. It's eclectic. Nothing matches. And whenever I move again? My house will never be set up the same way.



There *is* no more cookie cutter. We're moving on and changing as a civilization. We're transitioning.




That's what I'm going to keep on doing.


Good luck, Bridge with a "T"! New York won't be the same without you! And North Carolina won't know what hit it! <3