The Last Year Before the Dirty

I'm coming up close to 29, here. In a few short weeks I'll begin the final year of my 20's. Am I where I thought I would be? No. Fuck no. There's no way I ever could have seen what was in store for me. I actually did one of those marriage pacts with my first high school boyfriend after we broke up. If we weren't married by 30, we'd dive in, suck it up and marry each other. When you're 17 years old, 30 seems like a world away. I guess it kinda was. Of course, now his wife just gave birth to their second son. SO I guess I'm S.O.L on that one.




But this is my money year. At 29 women are strong and ready to take on the world. There's still that little glimmer of hope, and excitement, and optimism and we have just enough confidence to push us on into that life hurdle that has so much pressure placed on it. 29 has become the last chance year. Katherine Heigl has assured us of that. But if we're quirky, put on our big girl dress pants, and a white blouse that tastefully shows our nipples... we will all soon land husbands.

Fuck. That.





At 28 3/4. I feel I'm wise to dating. I've been doing it since I was 15 (Jesus....). I'd like to say I've seen it all. Of course I don't look back on all of that fondly.. but I learned a lot. If not about men, but myself. I'm one of those people who has zero regrets. I'll be the first to admit that I've done a lot of stupid shit but I'm GLAD I did as apparently I needed to learn a lesson. Which, I did. And have. And continue to do.






I've learned to say what's on my mind. Those of you who KNOW me may find this to be a shock. But I once was very quiet, very naïve, and quite the doormat. I was shy, and insecure (Of course I'd KILL to have that body back... but dress it better...) and would let anyone come in and run my life. Redirect it. And that's fucking nonsense.







With women's rights still in limbo all over the place.. I think it's about as important for women to take a stand for themselves as much as it was needed during the Women's movement. It's time for another one.

 But we've gotta start as individuals. This will NEVER happen as long as I keep hearing women say things like "Well, I can't work as fast as him because I'm a chick!" Or "A woman can't do that as well as a man could.." and "Women shouldn't ever give a rim job"

WHAT?!




First of all... Shut the fuck up. You just put us back 60 years. And second of all? It's our RIGHT to give rim jobs.

Seriously though. If women continue to put themselves down, and to let people come in and run their lives, no wonder this is happening. We're going to end up back in the kitchen, barefoot, and expected to bear sons who will impregnate other daughters for more sons.

It starts with you. With us. Being a confident woman is fucking cool. But it's hard. People will doubt you about everything and try to bring you down. But you gotta own that shit. Know what's good for you, and what you want and stand by it. It's your life. It's your body. It's your mind. It's your tongue.

I've lived by myself for almost 2 years. I have a great job. I see friends. I go out. I write. I sing. I perform. I get laid. I have fun. I work hard. And I laugh. Every. Fucking. Day.



What do I hear CONSTANTLY? Negativity. People judging my lifestyle and how I live, and what makes me happy, and my language, and how I date.





"How do you work 3 jobs? You must be crazy!"

No. I think YOU'RE crazy for giving up your passion which you love, to work a job you hate.








"Oh. You're still in retail? Do you ever want a REAL job?"

Oh. Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize my job was fake! Listen. I work full time running a store, I get benefits, a 401k, competitive salary, bonuses, stock options, and a rollie chair. Didn't realize a job had to be 9-5 to be considered a career. And no I don't need life insurance.









 "Isn't is scary/sad/depressing living alone?"

No. It's refreshing. It's calming. It's comforting. It's peaceful. And I enjoy it more than I thought I would. It's only scary when there's a giant silverfish and I lose sight of it before I can grab a shoe.










"Your swearing makes you sound rude, and less smart"

I'm more honest AND more intelligent than *you* are, fuck face!










"Isn't your biological clock ticking?"

No. I tossed that shit out years ago. I'm on my own time and my own terms and my own wants and my own desires.










"When did you decide to become a hipster?"

I'm not. Fun fact! Glasses were first invented to help people see. They come with actual lenses that helps the visually impaired! They just seem to only come in hipster form now. And I just happen to like the Ukulele.

"Do you think he's 'the one'???"

The one? The one what? My favorite? Yes.








"Don't you want to settle down and get married?"

There's nothing about me that wants to 'settle' for anything. The minute I settle... is the minute life becomes obsolete. Life is an adventure and I'm pretty sure mine is going to continually change and reshape. Try and keep up.







Ladies... This is our time. Believe it or not? There are men out there who support this. Good men. It's not like you're going to end up wearing corduroy skirts and moccasins and alone your whole life. Take a chance, take a stand, be proud, be confident, make a difference, and stand fucking tall. Be Strong. Women.

But don't be a fucking bitch. We need to stop bringing each other down and competing for stupid shit. This is for us. This is for (not mine, but your...) daughters. This is real.



The more we fight? The more they have to fight. The louder we are? The louder they have to be. The taller we stand? The farther they fall.






I don't care who you are or who you want to be. But your desire for that doesn't trump anyone else's desire for the same right.








Rim jobs and equality for all!!!!!