So we all know the dating websites. There's sites for EVERYTHING now. Some of my favorites include:
"Successful Black Men!"
"Hippie Men!"
"Rich men!"
And the purpose...
"Meet Single Dads!"
I think it started in the 90's. We'll call it Danny Tanner Syndrome. Where suddenly it occurred to women that this is going to happen sometimes. There will be a man out there who has kids but not a wife. Of course, this was STILL wholesome in that Danny Tanner was a widow and not battling a bitter divorce. But you get my point.
Here's the thing. It's SO COMMON NOW. There are SO many single parents out there who don't take their children or their ex's seriously. If you don't respect that... no one else will.
I started seeing someone YEARS ago. He had a daughter. I met her on like.. date # 2. That was the date. The date was for me to come over and meet his little girl. So.. I sat down and played with her. By the end of the night she was calling me mommy and giving me hugs.
I'm good with kids. I'm not THAT good.
Then? He never called me again.
I was devastated. I suddenly had a daughter and a man who used her as a pawn to get laid and then it was gone?! Heartbroken. Where would I ever find another man like that??
Fucking everywhere.
Let's get down to the nitty gritty. If you're dating someone with a child... You can never expect to be priority number 1. You range as a priority from 3 to whatever. But the highest you'll ever deeply be is a 3. Why? I'll tell you why.
You don't know what happened. You know what he TELLS you. You don't know the real details, or the words that were said, or the feelings felt, or the jokes they had, or the things they did.... You don't know what he did for her during their pregnancy. Or the delivery. That needs to be taken into consideration.
Too often we go in there with the "Her or me!" mentality. If you're with a good, decent, responsible man? You're out. Because "She" will ALWAYS be there. Having a kid together is a lifetime deal. I don't know why or how people have forgotten that. KIDS ARE A BIG DEAL.
Here's a show that makes me sick.
Pregnant and Dating.
Have you heard about this?
I don't have a lot of judgies but JUDGIES ON THAT SHIT!
It's just not taken seriously. The next generation of children are going to have SO MANY DADDY/MOMY DEAREST ISSUES it's not funny.
How many women met that same little girl I did? How many women has she called "Mommy"? I highly doubt he settled down with the chick after me. One day she'll realized she was kind of a prop in her father's life. That's not a good feeling. Of course maybe he realized "Hey! This isn't cool! If I can't stop being a total dick sack, maybe I shouldn't involve my daughter!" Who knows.
My best friend is a single mom of two beautiful, wonderful, precious, hysterical girls. Seeing her struggles has opened my eyes a little bit. Where there's a single dad? There's a Jen. And Jen works hard. And I love her. Making things difficult for her? Makes things difficult for the girls.
That's the LAST thing I'd ever want to do.
I'm not saying all relationships are perfect. I'm not saying the other partner is a pleasure and a joy and drama free. That part I can't get into. I think that's why I'm so empathetic of this situation.
Because I can't imagine having a child with someone and then having to share my family with a stranger.
If you're a woman or a man who can do that? And keep it civil, and right, and prioritized? More power to you. I can't imagine what that feels like.
I know a lot of really great single parents. I know a lot of really terrible ones. I know a lot of good people who have children together but AREN'T together... but are still doing a great job raising their children. I know a lot of couples who are together for the kids.
There's a million different situations.
My advice to the single, kidless daters. I'm not saying "DON'T DATE SINGLE PARENTS!"
I'm saying...
Have respect. Have understanding. Have patience.
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