Paging Doctor Feel Gloom

It's not YOU...it's ME!!! Ok no. It's actually you.



Ha.. if I had a nickel...


"Hey girl..."




So someone asked me to write very specifically about men sabotaging relationships. I can't do that. I can't write about men, specifically sabotaging relationships. Because bitches be cray cray too. As much as guys are players, I think women actually have more issues causing emotional stress and in turn will sabotage. Instead I'm opening the window to people. People who sabotage relationships.

I know I've done it. I've got some incredible novel worthy baggage which has been left in my terminal mind. Here's the kicker. We don't always know when we're doing it. Then when someone calls us out on it we put up our defenses and drop the asshole card.

So this is a big reason in my desire for awareness. I would look back on situations and say "Hm. Why the fuck did that bother me so much?" Or "Why did I protest that so much? Why did I feel so strongly?" And.. I no longer have an answer other than the fact of being called out. Fucked up, right? Again. Let's get back to neutral.



There's nothing worse (especially lately) than a closed mind. If you're unwilling to see someone else's point, or view, in polite conversation... you are pretty low in my book. Especially if you're lacking any experience on the subject. For example. If you married the first person you ever dated, you cannot talk to me about dating. Settling, maybe. But not dating. Total judgies on your judgies.

So why do we do this sabotage thing? I think there are two main reasons.


ONE!


There's no interest. Be it you aren't attracted physically, or mentally.. you don't feel anything. It's not a situation worth investing. Or you deserve better. Or hey, THEY deserve better. Or you actually want to just be friends (which is a whole other blog).


and TWO!


You're petrified. It's all of a sudden very monogamous. Very real. You're invested, they're invested... getting "serious".  All day, every day.. texting, calling, fucking, dinner, dates... Somehow it snuck up on you and you're off guard and it's scary. Poor baby.






There's obviously other reasons, of course but I really feel as if these two are the main reasons we do what we do. We become bitches. We become assholes. We become playas and hoes. Do we feel better? No.








When I see young people getting so invested in relationships... It's so hard not to step in and say "Hey. Take a step back and chill for a sec.." But I know when I was 18 and dating a 28 year old.. I wasn't gonna hear none of that! Ain't got no time. Some people end up alright, but for the rest of us? Most of our baggage comes from age 18-25. So... kids, have fun with that.

 

 

 

 

 

You're out on your own for the first time in this big world and you're trying to find out who you are, find out what you're good at, what you want to do, what your goals are, where you want to be.... And you're also spouse hunting. Wtf?




I get it. The excitement of no curfew. No rules. You can do what you want and you're excited to get out there and strut. You're an adult. You want to do adult things! Like drink, and smoke, and get it on. You're doing laundry, grocery shopping, paying bills...

Here's a reminder. You do that for the rest of your life. Eventually your Saturday nights will entail Laundry, Dishes, and watching a movie you first saw in high school with your cat. Then you remember all the friends you used to have... and the friends you have now. Life changes, cupcake.




The other day someone asked the question of why they can't find a good, normal girl. Here is my response.



We got hurt.




Earlier this week, I had a very difficult day. My best friend called and asked to do lunch. So we did. We ended up spending the entire day together and I'm so glad I did. I'm a tough cookie but sometimes you need a big fucking cheeseburger with an onion ring on it, and a margarita at noon.


We discussed the events and hardships of our lives. We've both been through some fucked up shit, as most girls our ages have. At one point I decided and said I'm glad I have these experiences. As shitty as parts of my life have been, as tough as some of the struggle, and as many times as I've brushed myself off, I'm glad to have gotten this far and I'm glad I am who I am. I may not look like much and people for the most part, have no idea what I've been through and doubt I've had any major troubles at all. Here's a newsflash. Everyone is fighting a battle. Because you don't know about it? Doesn't mean it's not happening every single day. Some days I don't want to get out of bed. Some days I don't want to leave my house. Some days I don't. Some nights I can't sleep. Some nights I lay awake staring out the window at the stars with tears in my eyes and a mascara soaked pillow. Some days I don't think I can face the world, or the people in it.

But other days? I wake up smiling. I never quite jump out of bed, but you get my point. Some days I can't stop singing. Some days I say hello to everyone I see. Some nights I lay awake at the stars and think of nothing but. Some days I laugh so hard I cry and need to catch my breath.




Take things with a grain of salt. Some days are fucking shitty, and impossible. What usually gets me through those days are the OTHER days. The good days. The laughing days. The smiling days. The Happy Days.

 

 

 

 

 
 
 

 

My point is... We've all got shit. We all have stories. We all have struggles.



But we're fucking strong. We're such an emotional animal... Thoughts, experiences, memories... constantly in our minds. In a way it isn't fair. We hold onto things so tightly so they're always there somewhere. Sometimes it gets the best of us, and we become overwhelmed.





Let's do ourselves a favor here and cut some slack. Let's work on trust. It's a give and take, and a major group effort. If we can be honest with each other... and trust each other... our 30's don't have to be as hard as our 20's.




We're human. We're all human. Let's keep that in mind. 





You got this.