Anyways Why do I feel so stupid? So fucking stupid? Because of this world. These standards.. these odds. Seriously.. the liklyhood of this relationship standing through the vast bullshit of our time is SO against us. Why even try? Because I really fucking like him, and he really fucking likes me. What an idiot, right? Nah, I know I can be a catch. Calm down, Princess.
I'm turning into a psycho. Me. Of all people. The author of this hysterical and informative blog. It's not scary psycho.. but it's not cute. It's almost concerning. But we *ARE* able to laugh and joke about it at the bar with friends so it's not a total basketcase issue.
Why? Why am I a psycho, all of a sudden? (I use this phrase losely)
I'll tell ya why. (Twist my fucking arm)
I'm a psycho because of the same reason most girls are psychos. Or huge raving bitches. For the same reason most men are asshats, or deuchebags, and mamas boys, or for the same reason we all have the tendency to be distant or clingy, depending on the day. Because we have a history. We have baggage. We've been hurt. It sounds so fucking cliche', and not everyone can relate. For example... if you marry your high school sweetheart, you might be ok. I feel sorry for your lack luster sex life... but I'm sure you're still ok! For the rest of us? We're fucked. Royally fucked in the ass. With a rusty switchblade. That's been covered in Salt. For some reason when I typed that, I pictured an ass getting a paper cut. That shit would hurt.
I digress. We all have baggage. Not to quote musical theatre... but I'm totally going to quote musical theatre. "I'm lookin for baggage that goes with mine"
Let's just accept the fact that if you're still single in your late 20's and beyond, you're going to have some scars. And you're probably going to need to talk about them. And you're probably going to cry. And you'll probably be embarassed. And then single. Again. Because everyone is so fucking proud. "She's a stage 9 clinger!"
Well.. fucking DUH! Who isn't?! Like you're so perfect! You live in your mom's basement, you work at Best Buy part time and you spend all your money on Mountain Dew, your XBOX account, and a bitchin sword collection! There's a big fuckin winner right there! Can't wait to plant my seed with YOU, ya fuckin jack monger!
Seriously?
Ugh,
Ok so I met this fella when I was working my shift at a bar. I never get hit on. Let me explain to those of you who don't actually know me. I work on Pride night at a karaoke bar. Yeah, they exist. I sing show tunes with a bunch of fucking homos and lesbians and we get shitfaced. People think I'm a Lesbian because I'm a huge supporter of the lifestyle.
Just because you run in the cancer race, doesn't mean you have cancer.
Jussayin.
Anyways, he was there. We met. We talked. We're both awesome so we hit it off right away. A few months passed and we decided to "make it official" How fucking lame is that? Jesus...
Anyways. Since then... I've totally lost my shit. I'm pissed at myself for this. I'd rather be naked in front of a stadium of people than lose cool credibility. I think the stadium is grateful it's the other way around.. Luckilly he's totally laid back, cool, patient and understanding... or too fucking busy... But we work it out.
Why was I awesome, and fine, and normal before a title? I'm invested. Before? There was nothing to lose. A guy thinks I'm awesome. Sweet! Nothing to lose... I had sole gain from his compliments and such. But now? He wants to *date* me? And ONLY me? And... me to ONLY date him? Pressure is ON.
I think it's safe to say we've all been cheated on in one way or another. Why does that suck so bad? Is it the trust? Is it us feeling like we aren't good enough? Why do we drive those to cheat? Again... another blog.
Everything turns into a controversy. A cover up. There's something bigger that we don't see and that drives us fucking CRAZY.
If knowing is half the battle... I guess I half win?
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