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| "Here Betty Sue! Let me get that pesky door for you!" |
The guy nervously approaches and asks you out on a date... picks you up "At 7!", opens and closes doors... pays for dinner, movie, mini golf, ice cream, flowers whatever! Drops you off, gets a kiss at the door step and calls the next day....
.........................
Am I the only one who wonders if those dates ever really happened? Was there really a time when boys came and "met your folks" and received dad's approval before escorting you out for a night on the town? This will soon be a lost art. Some myth, little girls will wonder about.
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| ".. Prince charming works at da club??" |
Think about it. How did your parents meet? Mine were set up on a blind date. My mother couldn't stand my father then either, but he made her smile. They took day trips to Niagara falls, and were on a bowling league. They were married in May of 1969 and lived in a little apartment where my oldest sister was born. In the mid 70's they bought a house. They still live there. I'm sitting in it. Right now. Stealing their Internet.
What are the stories going to be like in 25 years? How creative are we going to be? Are we going to make something up? Exaggerate? Bend the truth?? Add a little touch of Hollywood plot??
I've done some research these last few months while I've been single. I've learned quite a bit just by paying more attention to things. Here's what I've come up with so far:
2012 dates seem to consist of meeting up sometime when you're not working, or hanging with the guys, or the bitches. No one picks anyone up. You meet. At a bar. At 10:30 on a Wednesday night.
You're lucky if:
- Both parties arrive on time
- Neither party has found someone more interesting or, as we say "attractive"
- Cell phones are put away/off/on vibrate
- Both parties are showered/groomed/brushed teeth
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| "Hang on.. gotta check in..." |
If the date goes well (miracle) you then make the painful decision of sex on the first date or not. Either way... you never see them again as the date did NOT go as well as you had planned.
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| "I'm so friggen stupid....Where's my underwear?" |
Why?
I'll tell you why.
It's a game. It's all a big fucking mind game. It's impossible to win if you have any feelings involved at all. Why? Again. I will tell you. The rules change. They're different for everyone. And they change. At any time. For any reason. The winner... is whoever doesn't care. Whoever has no feelings invested. Whoever has a back up. They win.
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| "Nah! I think we've made quite a connection..." |
There is hope, however. You mustn't lose yourself. As ridiculous as it sounds, you also can't take it personally. It's not our faults we've evolved into such animalistic creatures who desire power, sex, and warm fuzzy feelings. We don't understand. We've lost a bit of ourselves here.... But really it's always been a game. The only difference is, back in the day the rules were plastered in your face during after school specials. Now it's all up in the air. We're at a very independent age. A fast evolving age. A get it in seconds age. There's no thinking anymore, there's no time for your conscience to kick in and say "Hey.. that wasn't cool of me", anymore!
The world needs to stop. Put the phones down. Park the car. Shut off the fucking TV. Take a step outside, and take a giant breath in and hold it. Then let it out slowly. Just Calm.The.Fuck.Down. or as I will now call it "C the FD!"
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| "... How long are we supposed to do this?" |
That or an ice cold Coca Cola.....
I am SO not ready to be in a relationship. I need way too much therapy first. But I've learned I need some standards for myself. I'm actually a pretty awesome girlfriend until there's no space, or crazy demands, or... whatever kinda bullshit that gets in the way... Anyways... So far my standards are as follows:
- Must. Have. Job.
- Cannot live in mom's basement/attic/garage
- Must brush teeth daily
- Must laugh
- No bitchin' sword collection/medieval weaponry unless part of Rule #1
Again... sometimes the rules change. There's obviously some room for explanation here... I get it... we all need a break. We all have our stories. I get it.
Moving on.
Before I get all sorts of hate mail I'll let you know that there ARE decent guys out there. There really are. There are guys out there who are willing to pick you up, and to pay, and to open doors. And guys? There are some decent ladies left in the world who don't care about your car, or how much money you make and who will want to split the cost of dinner. If she insists let the woman pay the tip or something.
My Advice:
As cliche' as this sounds... I've actually taken it to heart. You really need to be OK with yourself before you get out there. It's scary! You also need to know what you're ready for. It's nice to just go out and get to know someone new. Pay for your own stuff.. or.. one pay for one activity, then the other for the next. There's a light there somewhere, it's just a matter of compatability. And timing. In a time when it truely feels as if the odds are against us....
There's hope for all of us..
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